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Articles -
Healthy Mind
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Written by Bev Campling
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Tuesday, 17 November 2009 11:20 |
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I recently overheard someone casually commenting ‘secrets can kill!’ I was not actually part of the conversation but as I over heard the words they struck me with such absolute resounding truth! Why do we have secrets? I’ve mulled this over in my mind for quite a few days now. Is it ego and pride, is it selfishness or is it wanting to please and not disappoint others?
Depending on the circumstances, I suppose it can be for any number of reasons, but one reality about secrets is that secrets can get us trapped in a web of fear that can wear us down to the point where secrets can kill us emotionally. It comes down to honesty I suppose, and when we have secrets we are being dishonest. We know that, and as we protect our secret we become more and more entangled and this drains us. Another emotional aspect is if we give our power away to people who know our secrets. They may stand there in the guise of a trusted friend or partner, but they will subtly remind us of our secrets whenever they feel it’s appropriate. They elicit our guilt for their own gain. They feed off our personal power that we hand to them in the belief that we have to so that they will help us protect our secrets. The deeper we become entangled in our own web of lies and deceit, the more we become blinded by our own secrets. The bigger it becomes in our minds and the harder we fight to protect it. Eventually we become so ensnared that we believe that we must not let our secrets out at any cost, no matter what the price may be to our self or anyone else. Our thought patterns become completely distorted. Our stress levels rise. We lose ourselves is our own dishonesty. It takes courage to face the consequences of our decisions, especially when we’ve made bad decisions and if we have inadvertently involved other people. When the extent of our actions are revealed and made public, we do sometimes face retribution and even rejection, but still I would advise that we free ourselves from the burden of secrets that will eventually exhaust us. Being able to rise above our mistakes and learning to be true to ourselves comes with self acceptance and self love. Those who love us and are meant to be a part of our lives will accept us and stay after the dust has settled. Those who reject us were not meant to be a part of our lives any way. Difficult to digest and painful to accept, but that is reality. By holding onto our secrets we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from our mistakes. We deny ourselves the spiritual growth that is found in self forgiveness and acceptance. By protecting our secrets we make time stand still in that particular aspect of our lives where we believe that we transgressed and we remain trapped in that time and space, a victim of our own minds. It is far better to face the consequences, allow time for healing and then move on having come to understand ourselves just that much better for the experience. Secrets can indeed kill – open honesty sets us free!
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